Thinking About Grass

IMG_1094Okay, be honest: what was your first thought when you saw the title of this post?

The word grass can conjure a number of mental images, from the summery scent of a freshly mown lawn to the giddy feeling that results from smoking a different kind of grass. When some homeowners hear grass, the first thing they think of is work. I suppose the impression that first comes to mind depends on your personal interactions with the stuff.

As for me, I’ve never had intimate communications with the smoke-able variety and so can only reminisce about the mow-able type. Some of these memories were imprinted as recently as yesterday (when these pictures were taken), so this would more accurately be called contemplation, I suppose, not reminiscence.

When I was a kid, my dad mowed the lawn with a gasoline push mower. I remember him catching the clippings in a deeply chlorophyll-stained canvas bag attached the mower. He’d empty the bag into a wheelbarrow, then dump the wheelbarrow at the back of the yard, where the piled clippings rotted with earthy green smell.

My grandpa, as I recall, had an electric mower, but he didn’t have as much grass to cut. All he had to mow was the tree lawn in front of the house and a tiny area in the backyard, as most of the back was taken up with my grandmother’s extensive flowerbeds. Not much mowing to do, but a lot of weeding! Yard work was fun in those days, because we kids got to play while someone else was doing the work.IMG_1099

I’ve done a little mowing, but I usually leave it for the menfolk because I don’t do well with power equipment. If I use a hungry machine, I’m afraid it will end up eating one of my feet, or at least a few toes. For the same reason, I prefer to hand-weed the garden rather than use the rototiller.

Here, Craig mows close to an acre. A large portion of it is weeds rather than grass, but we use the general term grass to describe the lawn; it’s all green, and that’s all we care about. This time of year, when everything alive is excited about the warming temperatures and lengthening of the days, the grass grows quickly. Not only does it need to be cut more often than it does in midsummer, but it’s heavy and lush. And so we rake it.

Raking an acre of grass isn’t as bad as it sounds, because Craig blows it into windrows with the mower, like a farmer does when he cuts a hayfield to be baled. So, rather than raking the whole yard, we only have to gather the grass from long strips. I’ll sometimes let Craig get half the mowing done, then go out and start raking. By the time he’s done, so am I, and it works out nicely.

IMG_1095So what do we do with all this fragrant, fresh-mown grass? Mulch the garden with it, of course. Since we don’t use lawn chemicals, it’s the perfect solution. Putting the grass to good use makes the effort of mowing it seem worthwhile.

One small problem: in the spring when the grass grows quickly and we have to rake, we don’t have much in the garden to mulch; but once the weather is warmer and the bulk of the garden is in, we don’t have enough grass clippings to make raking worthwhile. Now, however, the grass is abundant and the garden is in its toddlerhood, and we mulch everything in sight, like these little onions in their snuggly bed of grass. What clippings remain when everything’s thickly mulched, we spread on the garden to be tilled in at planting time.

I love the sweet, green, summery smell of grass. I also love a warm evening when the lowering sun casts long shadows. The rest of these photos aren’t about grass, necessarily, but they give a glimpse of the homey beauty of our freshly-trimmed yard in the slanting rays of an evening sun.

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Family History

Screen shot 2013-05-07 at 9.47.32 AMI’m not saying I was born to be a writer, but…

I’m told that when it came near time for me to be born, my parents wanted to include the birth announcement in their Christmas cards. Problem was, I stubbornly refused to be born on schedule. So they took a picture of my older sister and brother gazing into a bassinet and made copies of the snapshot, then waited for me to be born so they could hastily print up the particulars to include with the card. I no longer have a copy of the photo that went with it, but I do still have one of the announcement, which you see here. And all things considered, it’s fitting, don’t you think?

My husband and I are preparing to sell our home of almost 30 years (we moved in on March 1, 1984). Last week, we cleaned out the attic. Lots of stuff up there, even after the cleaning. But at least now it’s sorted out. We know what’s there and are making plans to redistribute it hither and yon.

One of the boxes I found contained some things of my dad’s. He lived here with us from May of 2004 through September, 2007 (passing away in February, 2008), and I thought I’d already distributed all his things. But one box, apparently, got missed. It contained an eclectic assortment of things, including a few photos.

Have you ever thought about all the generations who passed through history before there were cameras? Some of the wealthy sat for portraits, but billions of common people came and went with no likeness being made of them in any form. (And still do, in many parts of the world.) Family photos are a recent invention, historically, but what a treasure!

We often comment on how my second daughter, Shelley, was born tScreen shot 2013-05-05 at 5.05.08 PMo be a mother. From the time I brought my third child home from the hospital, she’s been obsessed with taking care of little ones. In that box of my dad’s things, I found some photographic evidence: check out these pictures taken at my parents’ house on Christmas of 1987, when our youngest was five months old. See how Shelley (the little girl with the braids who’s half cut off on the right edge of the photo) has her hand on the baby in this shot…

Screen shot 2013-05-05 at 5.05.20 PM… and is clearly practicing to be a mommy in this one.

(In the photo above, you’ll also see my brother Stan, my brother-in-law Frank, whom the photographer saw fit to decapitate, my husband Craig, our son Art in his daddy’s lap, and me in my pre-gray days. In the shot on the left, that’s my sister Holly sitting on the floor, apparently being scratched behind the ear by my brother’s second wife, Paula, who may have thought Holly was a cat. I’m really not sure what was going on there, other than Shelley commandeering the baby, as usual.)

Funny how when we’re kids, we think the world revolves around us; when we haScreen shot 2013-05-05 at 5.04.30 PMve kids, we think the world revolves around them. Then they’re grown, and we get to see the whole thing play out all over again. The baby in pink in the pictures above is my baby, Rustie, now 25 years old. Here’s a picture of my mama’s baby:

 

Daniel family autumn 2012And Shelley, the one who always wanted to be a mama herself? She is one, five times over. It’s sad that the newest additions to the family, Mikaiah and Zuri, will never know the history of their birth families. I pray for their birth mamas (if they’re even still alive), that God might comfort them with the reassurance that their precious babies are safe and loved and cared for. I’d love to meet them someday. Better yet, I’d love for them to be able to meet their children someday.

I appreciate my family history and am happy to pass down the memories and memorabilia to succeeding generations. I have a vase (no picture, sorry), that for a long time was stored in a box labeled “Great Grandmother Rex.” For the past 15 or so, it’s resided in my curio cabinet. There’s no manufacturer’s stamp on the bottom, but there is a date scratched in: 1796. One day, I expect my heirs will get that vase; but for now, I’ll hang into it.

The family artifact I value the most is a Bible that belonged to my mother’s uncle (who adopted her when she was three months old). It’s well worn and has notes written in it, so I know he loved it and used it. I’m also told that he sometimes stayed up all hours of the night praying for a wayward son.

Now that I think about it, it’s not my uncle’s Bible I value; it’s what it represents. The invisible legacy of faith, the fragrance of all the prayers. That’s what I want my children to inherit and to pass along to their children. It’s an inheritance no one and nothing can take from them, and it can be theirs regardless of the circumstances or place of their births.

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Hey, Y’all (Contemplations on “You” Plural) (Part II)

file0001217628885Remember that post I did awhile back about the need in the English language for a plural form of you? Well, I’m finally getting back to that thought. (And, like last time, the images illustrating this post are random things that came up when I searched for free images for “you.” So don’t waste your time trying to make sense out of them.)

This being somewhat of a grammar issue, I asked Granny Grammar to take over. But she wouldn’t touch it. Says it ain’t polite to discuss politics or religion in public, and since this deals with both, she wouldn’t even consider it.

Umm…. what does this have to do with politics and religion, you may ask? Good question. Bear with me, and ye shall see.

As I mentioned in that previous post, the lack of a plural form of you in modern English can lead to loss of clarity. Sometimes it can create misunderstanding, for example, as to what God is saying/who He’s talking to in the Bible. (Ah, that’s where the religion comes in.) This is one, though not the only, reason why I use the King James Version in my personal Bible study: it’s the only version that retains the nuances of meaning lost through updating the old thee’s and thou’s.

A case in point: let’s look at Deuteronomy chapter 9, where Moses is addressing the nation of Israel on the cusp of their entrance into the land God promised to give them. If you don’t have a KJV Bible handy, you can read it here.

Moses points out how God supernaturally protected and provided for them for the past file3281246664325forty years, all for the purpose of bringing them to this very place. It starts to get interesting from the grammatical point of view in verse 10. When Moses talks about the people’s responsibility to remember God and keep His commands, he uses singular pronouns: When thou (singular; the plural would be ye) hast eaten and are full, and have built nice houses, verse 12 – when thy (singular; the plural would be your) personal wealth has multiplied, verse 13 – beware that thine heart (singular; the plural would be your) not be lifted up and thou forget the LORD thy God, verse 14…

This singular you continues all the way through until the last part of verse 19, where it shifts back to the plural for the rest of the chapter. Moses tells the people, in essence, that if each of you, as individuals, do these things, it will affect all of you — the entire nation.

Historically, this is directed to the nation of Israel in the time of Moses. But it reveals a principle that applies to everyone, everywhere. That is, God’s plan isn’t for a nation to carry the people on its back; rather, the individuals are responsible for the health of the nation.

Ah, that’s where the politics comes in! Quite so. When we understand and believe God’s word, it affects our lives as citizens, not just our religious lives.

But there’s more. The same principle is seen in the next chapter. Moses puts the responsibility of remaining humble before God on the individual (verses 4 through the first half of verse 7); their individual failures to do so drag the whole nation into rebellion and bring consequences upon all the country (the second half of verse 7 through verse 24). Again we see that the individual is responsible for the nation, not vice versa.

We miss all this if we think of all those “you” pronouns as plural. How easy it is to point the finger! To think you (plural) need to do this or that; I’m okay just the way I am.

It might be comforting to think that, but often, God’s thoughts run contrary to popular thinking.

Perhaps what we do, or the relationship we have (or don’t have) with God, isn’t such a private matter as we’d like to think. The decisions we make as far as our personal behavior and freedoms might not be wholly personal after all. Perhaps it’s not just my life I need to consider, but how my choices affect the whole nation.

Or maybe I’m reading something into this that isn’t really here. What do you think?

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Friends

GlendaAbout this time last year, I was traveling by RV with my friend Susan Lawrence and her husband, Gary, 700 miles across the US to Iowa. After a brief stay with the Lawrences in their home in Carlisle outside Des Moines, I invaded the home of David and Glenda Mathes (near Pella) for another few days. I blogged about this 2 or 3 times during that period–here’s one post, for example. But that ancient history is not what I’m here to talk about today.

Glenda’s had a good year with her writing, having published two books since my visit. They’re both nonfiction, and both well worth reading! Little One Lost is a compassionate, sensitive look at early infant loss. If you or someone close to you is going through that valley, or if you minister to others who come to you for counsel about this, I highly recommend the book’s solid scriptural perspective. Her 31-day devotional, A Month of Sundays, explores the topic of resting/trusting in God. I don’t care what’s going on in your life at the moment–I recommend this one too!

For some reason, Glenda took it into her head yesterday to give me a shout-out on her blog, which gets a lot more daily hits than mine. I’d like to return the favor. But since I don’t have the reach she does, this is more like a futile wave from afar rather than a shout.

As she points out in her post, we need friends on this journey of ours. This is true whether we’re writers or not. But especially for us crazies who have this irrational penchant for trying to put things into words, we’ll never get anywhere without the support of others.

If people are going to buy our books (and isn’t that why we write them? if the work of a plumber, a carpet installer, or tax accountant is worth paying for, why not the work of a writer? and if you don’t think it’s “work,” try doing it yourself once), they need to learn about them. And one of the best ways to get the word out is to tell people about them.

So thank you, Glenda, for going out of your way to do that on my behalf!

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A Thoughtful Review

Rabid Readers ReviewsYou may have noticed (though I doubt if you’ve given it much thought) that I haven’t been very attentive to my blog lately. I’ve been pretty much ignoring Twitter, too. Some of this is for the purpose of a test: if I neglect social media, will the world come to a screeching halt?

Surprise, surprise: the answer is no. I doubt it’s caused my book sales to fall off either, since they weren’t selling to begin with. Bottom line: it’s freed up some of my time with no dire consequences. Perhaps the experiment was worthwhile!

Whether I take up blogging and tweeting again with greater diligence remains to be seen. Meanwhile, a new review came to my attention this afternoon, and I thought I’d share it with all my fans out there in Blogdom. It’s a little different, but rather gratifying.

Don’t let me tell you what to think of it, though. Decide for yourself: Review of The Story in the Stars on Rabid Reader Reviews.

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Jumpstarting My Week

I received a personal message this morning in my Paperback Swap Club account.

If you’re not familiar with the club, it’s an online group for readers in which members swap books. It’s free to join, but not to participate, because you have to send books through the mail. In a nutshell, here’s how it works: on the site, you post books that are laying around the house that you’d like to get rid of. When another member requests one of those books, you send it to him or her. For every book you send out, you receive one credit, which entitles you to order any book you see posted. The more books you send out, the more you can request from other members.

I joined the club before I was a published author, in part to get rid of some books. I realized right away, however, that I wasn’t accomplishing my purposes, because 1) even with the media postage rate, it costs real money to send all those books through the mail; and 2) it didn’t help my clutter problem because I replaced all the books I got rid of with different ones. Nevertheless, I’ve been sending and receiving books this way for several years now.

When The Story in the Stars was published, I posted it to the club in the hopesStars cover someone would request it, love it, and help get the word out about it. It languished on the list for months before someone finally ordered it, and I never got any feedback from the person afterward.

When Words in the Wind was released, I posted it as well, and someone requested it. A little later I realized both books were out of circulation (that is, no one had them posted), so I posted them again. This time, they both went fairly quickly. These aren’t book sales — they’re giveaways. But, like with any other author giveaway, the idea is to expand my fan base and get the word out about the series.

This morning I received a message from the person who most recently requested The Story in the Stars. Her message said: “Thank you so much for this book! It is truly one of the best books I’ve ever read. It held my interest from the first page through to the last. I posted reviews here and on Amazon. I’m looking forward to reading the next book. This is truly a hidden gem! It was indeed very happy reading! :)

What a lovely shot in the arm! (Or elsewhere — when I was a girl, my mother used to go to the doctor to get a vitamin B-12 shot [which was not administered in the arm] when she felt run-down, and she swore it gave her pep.) It’s not like money in the bank; it’s not even a hint of money in the bank, let alone a promise. But it’s confirmation from a wholly unbiased source that I can write a good book. (Which, at this point, I’d begun to doubt.)

At a time when my marketing efforts amount to throwing time and money into a bottomless pit, when I wonder why I waste my time with this writing nonsense, and when I’m asking myself (and God) how long I’m supposed to continue on this go-nowhere treadmill, that small comment is enough to keep me going.

At least for one more day.

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Hullo? Anybody Home?

knocking on door

Who’s that knocking at my door?

Not having heard from me for a while, Granny Grammar came knocking on my door to see what was going on. Her knock was so feeble, I didn’t hear it, but the security camera picked up her image.

Actually, she didn’t care much about what was going on in my life; she just wanted to see the test results. I told her that, of the 5 people took the test, everyone got Questions 1, 2, 4, 6, and 8 correct. In Question 3, someone apparently thought vowels have ankles. Granny chuckled at that.

But while she was visiting, I told her where I’d been since her last post. On Monday the 25th, we headed for Virginia to visit with the grandkids. (And with the grandkids’ parents, too, of course.) Shortly after we started on our journey, Craig noticed cold symptoms starting, though when we left the house he’d felt fine. By the time we arrived in Reston, there was no doubt in his mind; he had a full-blown cold.

We’d just acquired a GPS, so I plugged it in and played with it along the way to familiarize myself with how it works, as we’ve never had one before.

We decided to stop at a couple of real estate agencies along the way to see what we could find out as far as availability of what we’re looking for, price ranges, etc. We stopped in Uniontown, Pennsylvania and Cumberland, Maryland and met with real estate agents there. In Cumberland, we picked up a flyer with various available listings and found an interesting place in Flintstone, Maryland — just what we were looking for, and at a very affordable price. You know when something sounds too good to be true, it probably isn’t? Well, the address was listed in the flyer, and since we had a GPS, we thought we’d go take a look to see what was the matter with it.

We got off the highway onto a smaller road, then onto a smaller one, then a smaller one yet. Lovely area! We liked it! The GPS sent us farther into the mountains until we reached a point in the road where a sign appeared saying: “End county maintenance. Beyond this point, the road is privately owned.” And still we continued on.

It became apparent that when the county quit maintaining the road, no one else picked up the responsibility. After a while, it was nearly impassable. (Though it was a little above freezing, it had been snowing all day, so everything was wet and slushy, and some of the potholes in the road looked like you could sail a good sized boat in them.) So we turned around and went back to the highway. It might have been a very nice house, and it was certainly an affordable price. But we didn’t want to buy a house on a road we’d have to maintain at our own expense.

Somewhere after leaving the realty office in Cumberland, I wanted to call Shelley to tell her we’d arrive later than we expected and they shouldn’t expect us for supper. But I couldn’t find my phone! Argh! I’d remembered putting it into the left pocket of my sweater, but it wasn’t there. Nor was it anywhere else I looked, including under the seat. (While we were driving around in the middle of nowhere, Craig pulled over so I could get out and take a good look.) I finally decided it must have fallen out of my pocket at one of the offices we’d stopped at.

Grandma with Daniel kids at National Zoo 03-26-13

At the National Zoo

But I still wanted to let Shelley know what was going on, so we found a McDonald’s along the route, got out my laptop, and used their wi-fi service to email her. When I got online, I found an email from the realtor in Uniontown asking if I’d lost my phone, because they found it under the chair I’d been sitting in. Hooray!

Anyway, we made it to Shelley’s without further incident, except that Craig was miserable by the time we got there, and didn’t get any better throughout the visit. He couldn’t play with the kids for fear of infecting them, and he didn’t feel well enough to go anywhere with us. So we had fun and he sat around and watched TV and slept while we were gone.

On Tuesday, we went to the National Zoo. The weather was cool but sunny and not too breezy, the kids were good, and we all had a great time.

On Wednesday, we went to Leesburg Animal Park. It was about the same temperature as the day before before, but windy, which made it feel a lot colder.

Kids looking at the zebras at the animal farm.

Kids looking at the zebras at the animal farm.

We all had a good time, but we were glad there was a little greenhouse available for us to hide from the wind at lunchtime (which thrifty Shelley had packed for us).

And then the next day we headed for home. Craig still wasn’t feeling so hot, though he was well enough to drive. But along the way, I realized I had a slight sore throat. It didn’t amount to much, and I wasn’t sure if would develop into anything, but by the next morning I could tell it wasn’t going away anytime soon.

The following day (the day before Easter) I went to Stat Care with a bad sore throat and swollen glands, and the doctor prescribed an antibiotic. However, I continued feeling worse for the next two days, adding a bad cough to my symptoms.

I appear to be over the hump now, though. I hope…

Meanwhile, we have people coming tomorrow to install new carpet in the living room, dining room, stairway and landing to the basement, and pantry. Which meant that in the last few days we had to tear up the old carpet in the pantry (fortunately we’d already done the stairway before we left) and moving all the furniture out of the other rooms. Also, we’d started re-doing our bedroom closet before we left, and I hung wallpaper in that a couple days ago. Craig put the shelves and clothes racks back in and I’ve put everything away in it now, except for the things (like shoes) I keep on the floor. We’re hoping to snatch a carpet scrap tomorrow to put in it. If not, no big deal — it’s a pretty nice hardwood floor as it is.

So, Granny, that’s where I’ve been all this time. Thanks for stopping by! Next time, I hope to resume the series I started about the need for a plural form of “you” in the English language.

What’s that, Granny? Yes, you’re right; there is a plural form of you: y’all. But I’m talking about a form that’s approved by the Chicago Manual of Style.

See ya later!

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Granny Grammar’s Test #1: Answer Key

Screen shot 2013-02-21 at 10.01.00 AMHere are the answers to Granny’s first test. How’d y’all do?

 

1. An apostrophe is kinda like…

  • A chicken
  • A water balloon
  • A helium balloon that floats to the top of the line and sits at the ceiling
  • One of those long, skinny balloons that you can twist and make things out of, like a wiener dog. (Can you really twist a wiener dog and make things out of it?)
  • Other (please specify)

2. Which of the following sentences is NOT correctly punctuated?

  • I like to eat apples and bananas.
  • He’d rather eat apple’s than bananas.
  • I like to ite ipples and bininis.
  • Oo look to oot ooples oond boonoonoos.
  • Other (please specify)

3. What is Apostrophe Rule 1a?

  • Always return RSVPs.
  • Always return RSVP’s.
  • “I” before “E” except after “C” and when sounded like “A” as in “neighbor” and “weigh” and also some other weird instances.
  • When two vowels go walking, one of them’s likely to turn an ankle.
  • Other (please specify)

4. Which of the following IS punctuated correctly?

  • Mind your P’s and Qs when taking this test.
  • What are you planning to do with all those PHD’s you’ve spent your life collecting?
  • What are you planning to do with all those Ph.D’s you’ve spent a fortune collecting?
  • What do you think about this quiz, that its too silly?
  • Other (please specify)

5. Which of the following statements is both true AND correctly punctuated?

  • Apostrophe’s are pushy and rude.
  • Apostrophe’s are gentlemen and let other punctuation go first.
  • Apostrophes are frequently used to form possessives.
  • Apostrophe’s are possessives’ best friend’s.
  • Other (please specify)

6. Which of the following sentences is NOT correctly punctuated?

  • It’s hard to say how often its meaning is misinterpreted.
  • If you’re unsure when to use an apostrophe, it’s not permissible to rephrase the sentence.
  • The cat’s back wasn’t as dirty as I’d expected after Freddy threw it in the mud.
  • It’s feet and legs were plenty muddy, though.
  • Other (please specify)

7. Which of the following statements is both UNTRUE and INCORRECTLY punctuated?

  • Craig and Yvonne’s house is smaller than their breadbox.
  • Craig’s and Yvonne’s breadbox is bigger than their house.
  • Craig’s and Yvonne’s ideas of good TV are not the same.
  • Craig and Yvonne’s grandchildren live in a different state.
  • Other (please specify)

8. Which of the following sentences IS correctly punctuated?

  • How do the new Academy of the Sciences’ policies affect the United States’ economics’ paradigm?
  • How many politicians’ are of different species’?
  • How many orangutan’s does it take to run for political office?
  • How much ground would a groundhog hog if groundhog’s could hog ground?
  • Other (please specify)

9. Which of the following sentences is NOT properly punctuated?

  • Curious as to the Ganges’s source, he shrugged and walked away, being embarrassed to ask.
  • Curious as to the source of the Ganges, he asked the tour guide.
  • Curious as to the Ganges’ source, he followed the mighty river upstream until he got bored and googled it.
  • It’s never occurred to me to wonder about the Ganges’ source.
  • Other (please specify)

10. What is Rule #7 of Granny Grammar’s apostrophe rules?

  • To avoid drama, check the Chicago Manual of Style to be sure.
  • To avoid a tragedy like one of Euripides’, embrace Camus’ brave new world of proper apostrophe application, for goodness’ sake.
  • To avoid a tragedy like one of Shakespeare’s, buy Camus’ Brave New World and circle all the apostrophes.
  • To avoid using your limited time wisely, create a survey like this for fun, relaxation, and review of apostrophe rules.
  • Other (please specify)
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Granny Grammar’s Test #1: Apostrophes

Screen shot 2013-02-21 at 10.01.00 AMDid you kids think I was kidding about that test? Well, think again. Granny Grammar doesn’t kid.

Here’s the test. Put your thinking cap on, because it’s not as easy as you might expect. If you flunk, I’ll whip off your thinking cap, slap on a dunce cap in its place, and sit you in the corner.

Students, start your pencils, and click on the TEST.

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Granny Grammar Returns

Screen shot 2013-02-21 at 10.01.00 AMOkay, y’all. I’m back. Did you study your lessons from last time?

First, a review; then more lessons. We’re still exploring the wonderful world of apostrophes. Remember those fellers? The commas-like things that are like bitty little helium balloons that float up to the top of the line? Yeah, those critters.

Like most toys, you can play with ‘em, but you have to follow the rules. Last time we learned four of those rules:

Rule #1: Don’t use an apostrophe to make a plural.
Rule #1a: Always return RSVPs.
Rule #1b: Ys Words says you should be y’s about this if you hope to earn any Ph.D’s.
Rule #2: An apostrophe is a possessive’s best friend.
Rule #3: Use an apostrophe to hide missing letters.
Rule #4: It’s is a contraction for it is.

Now for the new stuff:

Remember the rhyme you learned in grade school, When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking? Well, ignore it for now, because this next apostrophe rule is nothing like it. According to Rule #5, when speaking of co-owners, you only give an apostrophe to the second name or noun. Hardly seems fair, but that’s the rule. Examples: Sam and Sue’s house. Or, the sparrows and starlings’ feeder.

But if you’re talking about separate ownership, now, that’s a different matter. In that case, each name or noun gets an apostrophe, thus making everyone happy. Example: my son’s and daughter’s spouses. Or, Detroit’s and Chicago’s snow-removal equipment. So here’s Rule #5: Co-owners share an apostrophe, which the second noun holds; if they don’t share possession, they don’t share an apostrophe.

This next one is interesting. What do you do when a noun that ends in an “s” is singular? Like politics, for instance, or species? Don’t be flummoxed. It’s just like skinning a cat; there are two ways to do it. Option 1: float an apostrophe in the air after the noun (as in, politics’ intrigues) as if it were plural, even though it’s not. Option 2: skirt the question entirely and rephrase the sentence (as in, the intrigues of politics. Except Granny Grammar doesn’t find politics intriguing. She finds it stinky. So a better example might be the stench of politics.)

The same thing goes when you use the name of a place (United States, for example) or organization (like the Academy of Mathematics); you can either add an apostrophe (the United States’ role in the controversy), or take the easy way out and rephrase (the role of the Unites States in the controversy). But whatever your political position, the grammar rule’s the same. Rule #6: If you can’t stand politics’ stench, get out of the kitchen to avoid the stench of politics.

The next rule is exceptional. That is, it deals with exceptions to usual “add apostrophe s” rule. Yeah, yeah, I know, I already gave you some exceptions. Too bad. Here are three more. But they’re weird ones. You might could live your whole life without ever finding yourself in the tight spot of having to know this rule, but Granny wants you to learn it so you’ll have a nice, well-rounded edjucation.

In these three exceptions, you just add an apostrophe (no s):
1) a name containing two or more syllables that ends in an eez sound. (I’m not kidding! This is really a rule!) (Examples: Euripides’ tragedies. Or, the Ganges’ source);
2) words and names ending in an unpronounced s. (Examples: the marquis’ mother or Albert Camus’ novels); and,
3) expressions beginning with for and ending with sake. (Lands alive, what was that again?) Here’s what I’m talkin’ about: for righteousness’ sake or, the go-to prayer wrap-up, for Jesus’ sake. So here’s Rule #7: To avoid a tragedy like one of Euripides’, embrace Camus’ brave new world of proper apostrophe application, for goodness’ sake.

Remember, if you’re uncertain about any of these exceptions, you can always wimp out and rephrase. (So much for a brave new world, eh?)

One more thing, and today’s lesson will be over. (Stop rolling you’re eyes, or I’ll give you that test right now!) Where was I? Oh, yeah: remember those little apostrophes are pushy. Whenever they meet other punctuation in a narrow doorway, they barge through first. Always.

Example: “His smile’s meaning wasn’t as obvious as his kisses’,” she said. Note how the apostrophe jumps in there right away, making the comma follow and the end quote take up the rear. Like chickens, punctuation marks have a pecking order. I won’t give you a rule number for this one. Just remember the apostrophe’s battle cry: “Me first!

Alright, kiddies. Here’s the whole list of apostrophe rules:

Rule #1: Don’t use an apostrophe to make a plural.
Rule #1a: Always return RSVPs.
Rule #1b: Ys Words says you should be y’s about this if you hope to earn any Ph.D’s.
Rule #2: An apostrophe is a possessive’s best friend.
Rule #3: Use an apostrophe to hide missing letters.
Rule #4: It’s is a contraction for it is.
Rule #5: Co-owners share an apostrophe, which the second noun holds; if they don’t share possession, they don’t share an apostrophe.
Rule #6: If you can’t stand politics’ stench, get out of the kitchen to avoid the stench of politics.
Rule #7: To avoid a tragedy like one of Euripides’, embrace Camus’ brave new world of proper apostrophe application, for goodness’ sake.
The apostrophe’s battle cry: “Me first!”

Now, go home and study. Test tomorrow! I hope you’ll all make Granny Grammar proud.

 

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